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Thread: Christmas party

  1. #1
    Senior Member DING,'s Avatar
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    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: 4th November 2004RE: Christmas PartyI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place onDecember 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the GrillHouse. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a smallband playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don'tbe surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas treewill be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done atthat time, however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving ofgifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! TheMD will make a special announcement at the Party.Merry Christmas to you and your Family.Pauline**************FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: 5th November 2004RE: Holiday PartyIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincideswith Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now onwe're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any otheremployees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree orChristmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.Happy now?Happy Holidays to you and your family,Pauline.*****************FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: 6th November 2004RE: Holiday PartyRegarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymousrequesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy toaccommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AAOnly", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handlethis? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed nowsince the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Managementbelieve £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.Pauline.************************FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: 7th November 2004RE: Holiday PartWhat a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins theMuslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking duringdaylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how aluncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until theend of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in alittle foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for membersof Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnantwomen will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sitwith each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will havetheir own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men'stable too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no crossdressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat foodwill be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used inthe food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the foodfirst.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurantcannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!Pauline.************************ *

  2. #2
    Senior Member DING,'s Avatar
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    FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All F**ing EmployeesDATE: 8 November 2004RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep thisparty at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietlyat the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it,you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you knowtomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard themscream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!! I hope you all have a rottenholiday, drink drive and die.The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!********** ********************FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources DirectorDATE: 9th November 2004RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday PartyI'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, theManagement has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, giveeveryone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay._______________________

  3. #3
    Senior Member Bobby Charlton's Avatar
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    I'd hate to be muslim.  Two big knees ups each year and you can't have a drink at either of them.

  4. #4
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     Hmmmm.......................Looks like a perfect example of British Industries decision making process to me......

  5. #5
    Senior Member Bobby Charlton's Avatar
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    And the public sector, beleive me.

  6. #6
    Ding, you have out done yourself.Humorous, witty, poignant sensitive to others feelings.Must be the holiday season - When will normal service be resumed?

  7. #7
    Senior Member DING,'s Avatar
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    2nd of January Dave.

  8. #8
    Thank goodness for that. I was starting to worry that someone had kidnapped you and replaced you with doppleganger.

  9. #9
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    No one else recovered yet this morning

  10. #10
    Senior Member Dirty Karlos's Avatar
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    It's our Xmas p1ss up today as of 12:30 I should be ratted by mid afternoon.

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