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Mister Bump
16-03-07, 12:54
I took a Danish lady called Heather out for a drink last night and had high hopes as we seemed to be getting on well. However things took a turn for the worse quite quickly. I had only had 2 beers over the space of 2 hours but as we left one pub to go to another one my stomach decided to play up and I was violently sick into a bin. Heather had to get me a tissue to wipe my face. I felt like a total fool and unsurprisingly didn't get a snog.Anyone else quite as useless as me?

X Commie
16-03-07, 12:56
pmsl.

4AssedMonkey
16-03-07, 13:21
I had an absolute horror date once.There was a girl at school who had a crush on me when we were 14-15ish. She was never anything to shout about and I was an adolescant prick so I never gave her time of day. When I was 20 I ran into an old school pal who was still in touch with her. We got chatting and she told me that Abigail was now a beauty therapist and part-time aerobics instructor. Even better, she still talked about me from time to time. I was single so agreed to take her out and my friend set it up.She looked pretty good and all went well, chatting about what we were up to and generally catching up over a few drinks. We seemed to be clicking. Then we went to a restaurant where I'd booked a table and ordered a bottle of wine. Things were still going OK, then I noticed that the red wine had almost gone so ordered another - didn't want to look like a cheapskate. This too disappeared quickly and I realised that Abi was drinking like a fish and was three-parts pissed.Half way through the main course she asked me why I 'hated' her at school. I made light of this, claiming that didn't hate her, never had but was childish and stupid back then. Then she started asking me if I fancied any of her school mates back then - not as one question but by literally listing every girl in our year and asking me what I thought of them. She got progressively drunker and louder and by the time we were ready for dessert menus she was bladdered, swearing a lot and quite aggressive. When I suggested that we pay the bill and go for a walk, she stood up, threw red wine at me and shouted That's just typical of you!" then slumped in the chair crying. I left £50 on the table and walked out.I got an embarassed call from her a few days later to apologise and ask if we could try again. I responded with a firm no and she freaked again calling me a self-centred twat and saying I was probably gay. Well out of that one."

Lur'bak
16-03-07, 13:25
have you got her number?

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 13:30
4AM you still got her number? She sounds like a lot of fun!

4AssedMonkey
16-03-07, 13:30
Last I heard, she'd moved to Milton Keynes. Not because of me you understand.All men in MK be warned.

4AssedMonkey
16-03-07, 13:33
HRP - don't think the Danish Girl thing is dead in the water BTW. Don't underestimate the amount of sympathy you can get from a bout of illness. If I were you, I'd get in touch full of apologies, claiming to have had a serious bout of stomach flu and beg for the chance to make it up to her. She'll think you're sweet"."

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 13:35
Sorry all dating disasters are erazed standard procudure sorry, cause remembering them may effect future performance.

Lur'bak
16-03-07, 13:38
learn from your mistakes to prevent repetition of piss poor performance perhaps.lot of p's yhere.

Hungry monkey 'now with custom graphics'
16-03-07, 13:39
have you remembered any dates then dylan?

Hungry monkey 'now with custom graphics'
16-03-07, 13:39
; )

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 13:41
You can't be expected to learn from mistakes, that would require woman to have Logic and a Pattern, sadly that is not the case.I once heard a girl talking to her mates, tell about how some bloke chucked up over her, I thought thats him history, no she thought it was a good sign, go figure.You can't win, and when you do, don't question it, just go with it and be happy.

Ironlung
16-03-07, 13:41
Given that I've been married for nearly thirteen years to my second date, I don't have any stories to tell....(end smug mode)

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 13:43
Ask me about a sexy 25year old, rich and drives a Lexus in a few weeks Monkey, if I can't remember anything someone pls hit me for screwing that one up LOL

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 13:44
IL, thats not Smug, not to me, definate bullet and brain material there mate.

Don Cayetano
16-03-07, 13:45
lol

Stephanos Wephanos
16-03-07, 13:56
Fantastic. No real disasters, only the waking up next morning and forgetting the girls name... When she went to powder her nose I checked her credit card, there was only an initial 'S', so I racked my brains and decided it was Sally, then just as she was leaving one of my old house mates asked me to introduce her... turned out she was really called Sarah...

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 14:02
4AM, I am in Milton Keynes.Its interesting how you use rich and Lexus driving to describe this woman Dylan rather than her physical features. Are you attracted to powerful women?

Stephanos Wephanos
16-03-07, 14:03
Dylans ideal date?

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 14:04
Powder her nose first thing in the morning? Was it Kate Moss?

Stephanos Wephanos
16-03-07, 14:08
No, didn't you listen, she was called Sarah.*Tuts*;-)

PaLF eht peehs
16-03-07, 14:26
I am near MK - what is that fitness instructors name again?Not really date disasters - but yes the waking up the next morning!!!there was this one tiiiime! in Oz, went back to my dorm (10 bunk beds, all full - but no-one batted an eyelid to couples sharing/shagging!)in a hostel with this Israeli girl, so we slept etc etc, in the morning I went to check under my pillow that ,my wallet was still there, when she leaned over to assure me that my wallet was still there!!! - Talk about awkward!

Jon D'oh!
16-03-07, 14:40
Went back to a mates pad with some girls that we'd met up with a couple of times. Sat around chatting and drinking the one I was with said We going to bed then"? "OK" said I. Everyone skips off to various rooms. I nip into a spare room with Audry. Just as were getting undressed she pipes up "If you touch me I'll scream rape"! Me, very much taken aback said "if you want the bed to yourself you only have to say" and wanders off down stairs. What a prick tease. From then on she was known as Orrible Audry to us all.It all turned out well though. Her cousin was down stairs and we ended up going at it like rabbits until the early hours on the sofa."

X Commie
16-03-07, 14:42
Dont most rabbits just chew holes in sofas?

PaLF eht peehs
16-03-07, 14:42
Depends how hard you roger them!

Jon D'oh!
16-03-07, 14:44
Well you see we had 2 pairs of bunny ears and a large bag of carrots and could think of nothing else to do.

Lur'bak
16-03-07, 14:50
I can think of a couple of things you could do with the carrots!

X Commie
16-03-07, 14:51
Whassat then?

PaLF eht peehs
16-03-07, 14:52
eat them?

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 14:59
Jon that sounds like very much the opposite of a disaster really. Good work!Last nights episode with Heather rates second to my most disasterous date. I met a woman called Nicky through friends so I invited her to mine for dinner knowing my housemate was out that night. We had a lovely meal and a bottle of wine, all pretty good up to this point. Then my housemate turns up with a shed load of booze, some charlie and a couple of mates obviously up for a jolly. So I got a bit wrecked with them but Nicky seemed ok with this. Then my mate decides we should arse about on bikes as there is a quarry near my house. I ended up riding off a 6 foot drop in the dark and knocking myself out. I came to and charged back to the house, bursting into the living room with blood pouring from my head. Nicky had to drive me to casualty, sit around while they x-rayed and stitched me up. She dropped me back at mine and disappeared from my life.

serge the seal of death
16-03-07, 15:51
went out on a blind date with a girl called Sharlene (spl) Really alarm bells should already of been ringing, you see i got her number of a friend, its a long story any way we then started texting and some were quite, well. anyway so one night i go out in Witney where she lived and we organised to meet up in the one and only night club of the town, i see her, shes a troll!! so i say hi. try to be nice but she has had a bit tomuch WKDs and so i get a little frosty, but she has a friend there, who is also a Troll! who decides that me being frosty with Sharlene means i fancy her! then they have a fight in the club over me and get thrown out, which leaves me to have a nice night out and snog some bird who was there with a birthday party and liked to dance and no other trainer wearing baseball capped witney twonk would dance! but i quite like a dance, so wasn`t a total desaster!

DING..
16-03-07, 15:57
i've never had one,but something very funny happend to my brother years ago.out on the weekend drinking,and he pulled this bird. sat down with her and started swapping saliver. at it for ages. anyway he then went down south with his hands,then all of a suddon he stood up screaming. turned out it wasnt a she but a he!! he wanted to kill her so we had to drag him out and go else where. rofl,very fecking funny at the time. we still wind him up 5years on

X Commie
16-03-07, 15:58
I know someone who only discovered his pull had a prosthetic arm once she was undressing for bed.

Mustrum Ridcully - Kicking Against The Pricks
16-03-07, 16:02
No, didn't you listen, she was called Sarah.I deny everything!

The Littlest Hobo
16-03-07, 16:02
Was his name Duce Biggalo X Commie :-)

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 16:09
Superb film, I laugh like a child at the woman with Tourettes.

serge the seal of death
16-03-07, 16:18
funnest film i have ever seen!!when he is walking down the street with the really tall one, who you only see from the neck down. so funny!

PaLF eht peehs
16-03-07, 16:19
So many stories - so little inclination to tell them all so you don't get the wrong idea about me!

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 16:22
Flap we all think your a gay sheep shagging welsh man, can it get any worse :)

PaLF eht peehs
16-03-07, 16:25
How can I be gay if I shag ewe?

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 16:27
just left school and doing a joinery apprenticeship, me and a mate got asked to fix a neighbours bed, fit 30ish , blonde women, fixed the bed for her, she said do you want to try it for strength, my mate jumps on bed , as she lies down at the side of him, time i left, as im going out, who turns up but meat head boyfreind, shout up stairs , boyfreind is back, my mate comes rushing down stairs, straight into meat head, big argument, blows rain down on his body,he says i havent done anything to your wife, im gay!. bad move , meat head says im bi-sexual, come back in,i decided it was time to leave, never found out what happened that night , but my mate left the area soon after.

DING..
16-03-07, 16:29
rofl,very funny story that sad bloke

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 17:05
see i do do humour, not very often , but its there always in the past.whats rofl mean.

Mister Bump
16-03-07, 17:07
its one of those internal hub gears isn't it?

Mounty
16-03-07, 17:09
I had a blind date in my local pub a few years back, big mistake!All I knew was what type/colour car she was driving....I told the landlord what I was doing there with regards to the blind date and he kept an eye out for me.She eventually turned up and as she approached the pub, the landlord got a glimps of her and came into the bar and told me to go thorugh the bar and kitchen and go home......she was rough as fcuk!The real bugger of it all was that I went back to the pub 2 hours later for a pint and she was still there.....waiting!!!

DING..
16-03-07, 17:11
rofl means.... mmmm i dont know. lol

X Commie
16-03-07, 17:12
... and lol?

DING..
16-03-07, 17:13
you tell me?

onone456
16-03-07, 17:13
ROFL - Roll On Floor Laughing :)

BHB 10.6.6
16-03-07, 17:14
IBYDKWTMDYD

X Commie
16-03-07, 17:15
I Bet You Dont Know What This Means Do You Ding?

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 17:16
I had a blind date years back, she was bloody gorgeous.But couldn't get any conversation out of her so thought, not intested, drattts.But she told my mates GF, she really liked me and I wasn't interested as she was trying it on all night.I'd of noticed, trust me, dumb as pig shit and 10x's as crazy sadly.

DING..
16-03-07, 17:16
i could tell you,but id have to kill you

onone456
16-03-07, 17:17
Juliana Alpha Mike Echo Sierra... ;)Never had any dating disasters apart from being turned down.

4AssedMonkey
16-03-07, 18:16
Scared you off yet James??

onone456
16-03-07, 18:18
Scared you off yet James??"Come again? :S"

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 19:08
Off Woman S40, just don't go Gay S40, Gays are even more evil and bitchy and horrible than normal woman which is saying something, and they don't even have breasts to compensate and only 2 useable holes not 3 I just really don't see the attraction.

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 19:20
definately going down the perv/gay magic strand.as for being evil/bitchy and horrible,some straight guys are as well.i got told when i was 17 ,by a very old work mate, listen son , when you leave school you dont leave all the idiots and fools in the playground, they are your still there.s40 , bet youre going through a very steep learning curve , pity its not a down hill course.

Luke.
16-03-07, 19:29
there was this one time with a lady more than double my age, she was fairly fit mind, only downside was her squaddie boyfriend.but this weekend he was away on excerise, so that was ok, or so i thought, sat in the pub chatting and she starts to panic as she'd just seen him walk in the pub, then explains he's a bit of a nutter and wouldn't be too happy and i'd better leave quick.next things he sees us talking and starts shouting which was my que to jump out the window and run like fuck.

DING..
16-03-07, 19:32
lol@luke

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 19:34
The straight guys that are bitchy just haven't woken up and came out yet, look at Kato for instance, how can anyone be that bitchy and be straight.Only a matter of time.This is nothing, wait till he's been seeing some girl for abit, all going well then she has a dream and based on this dream your history in a instant, then you'll be confused!! ( not that you can believe a damn word they say )Or this is my Fav, when I was 19, got dumped by this girl after 6weeks, because I DID NOT beat her up ( Yep thats DID NOT ), she wasn't used to blokes treating her nicely, took me 6months of phone calls and only found out when she wouldn't leave some twat which was beating her up, yes I beat him up before realising this.Also remember, a Bloke says something he means it pretty much, a Girl says something it's only valid for 30seconds.You've got a lot to learn mate :)

Dirty Karlos
16-03-07, 19:34
LOL:-)

DING..
16-03-07, 19:35
woman,cant live with them,cant live without them

onone456
16-03-07, 19:37
@Ding, the pictures up.

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 19:38
Your not even legally allowed to kill them for pissing you off these days, sucks I tell U!!Ohhh they rarely suck past the first 5dates to.

DING..
16-03-07, 19:39
yes s40 i seen it,pretty girl. wheres the pic of you?

onone456
16-03-07, 19:44
Are you going to try and see if we match up or something? ;)UglyI don't normally have an attitude like that...

DING..
16-03-07, 19:46
mmm.... very nice,if she dont have you i will. ;0)

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 19:47
think of women as goldfish , they usually have their mouths open, have low levels of intrest in bikes, machinery,etc, have no idea with money,and cry when they get upset,oh and cant drive.

DING..
16-03-07, 19:48
lol. do goldfish cry?

onone456
16-03-07, 19:49
mmm.... very nice,if she dont have you i will. ;0)"Where and when? ;)"think of women as goldfish , they usually have their mouths open, have low levels of intrest in bikes, machinery,etc, have no idea with money,and cry when they get upset,oh and cant drive."Amen to that! Definately can't drive."

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 19:50
yes , how do you think they keep their bowls so full of water.

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 20:08
So Ding was on the pull, the only 1 on here I thought was straight isn't, typical or what.And where is this picture of the girl ??

onone456
16-03-07, 20:09
And where is this picture of the girl ??"(bangs head off desk numerous times)The one I like?"

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 20:11
errr confused I dunno.If it helps, your better looking than me and I've got so many notches on my head board, I no longer have a head board so you'll be fine.Just remember woman are just for the night, not for life!!!

DING..
16-03-07, 20:11
S40 DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT SHOW DYLAN ANOTHER PIC!!!

DING..
16-03-07, 20:12
im bald from all the rubbing against my head board. ;0)

onone456
16-03-07, 20:13
S40 DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT SHOW DYLAN ANOTHER PIC!!!"Why is he going to do what DK did?"

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 20:13
s40 aka james .as i see it being gay is a pain in the arse!!!!!owwwwwwww.butt at least they can drive.

onone456
16-03-07, 20:16
I'm not gay...

Sadbloke, missing for a while
16-03-07, 20:18
no problem with that at all .didnt say you where.

Not So Bikeless Mike! :-D
16-03-07, 22:37
some of my mates stitched me up by setting me up with a gay guy once...

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
16-03-07, 22:39
I made a £20 bet, that if they take me to any club I will pull, bastards took me to a gay club.Pulled a girl, from the group I was with, so still won :) Which I had planned anyway, so yes I cheated better :)

mikey3
17-03-07, 03:43
hunker down children and i will tell you a tale of triumph and disaster ,when i was working in hayling island i had a date with a swedish girl who looked exactly like the tart from the cardigans (i use the word tart with utmost respect of course)anyway ,after about 5 hours in the local pub and about ten jd,s later i was playing pool and i was on form so i thought i would pot the black as hard as i could ,in the best jimmy white stylee ,and the white hit the black and went sailing off the table and hit the swedish minx right in the eye and i rushed over to see if she was ok and the cue i was holding tripped me up and i tipped the table ,ashtray ,drinks and three and a half litres of molten led all over said temptress(the led bit maybe a lie ,cant really remember)the triumph of the night was when bought some acid and spent the rest of the night chasing phantom mullet on the beach .i havnt got a picture for my posts ,does that make me a faceless weirdo,hope so would,nt want to spoil the habit of a lifetime(i have tried but all my pictures dont seem to fit ,computers arnt really my thing

mikey3
17-03-07, 05:46
time can pass and time can healbut it don,t ever pass the way i feelyou went away a long time agoand why you left i never knewthe lonley days and lonely nightsguess the world knows i aint feeling rightand when your gone the hours pass so slowand know i,m still feelin blue anybody fancy a shagha only joking f*****g homos(not that theres anything wrong with that)

Sadbloke, missing for a while
17-03-07, 11:32
nice thought.exactly how i feel.except for the shag.

Dr Dolittle the pedalling chinchilla
17-03-07, 11:40
Dating Disasters? I practically wrote the book on them - well actually I did write a thread on them, its probably somewhere in BM's archives. Where to start? Well the most regrettable was Lisa, who I really liked, was very pretty and had loads in common. I when I first met her we were both spoken for, but eventually there came a time we were both single, so I asked her out to dinner. Unfortunately I was both single and really broke. So broke in fact I was working a full time day job, plus 4 nights a week working in a local nightclub. Sleep was something of a rarity. So there we were on our date, all going well but I'm really shattered. Between main and dessert Lisa nips off to the ladies. She returns to find I've dozed off on the table! I never heard from her again......Then there was the time I got fixed up on a blind date with the daughter of a (much older) work colleague. Said daughter (19, I was 25) turned out to be a entirely personality free, but also a psycho stalker b!tch. I never wanted to see her again - which is a problem when you work with her mum who thinks the two of you are the perfect couple! And lastly there was Jen. I crashed the car on our first date. Well actually it was my parents car I'd borrowed because we were going with friends and my cars a 2 seater, and it wasn't really my fault, some old guy pulled out from a side road without looking. All the same, somewhat of a moment killer - though it must be said the lady in question is now my wife, so it wasn't a disaster.....

Sadbloke, missing for a while
17-03-07, 11:43
what a nice ending.

Harry Soufflé
17-03-07, 22:52
i have a tendency to pick bunny boilers, that's my dating disaster in a nutshell...

Reality Before Ambition
17-03-07, 22:53
Mike was just saying he got asked out by a gay lad for the 2nd time. That must surely top the lot! LOL

Harry Soufflé
17-03-07, 22:55
twice? not the same gay guy though?hopefully...

Reality Before Ambition
17-03-07, 22:56
He must have a certain look about him.LOL(sorry Mike!)

Not So Bikeless Mike! :-D
17-03-07, 22:56
lol, this particular chap has asked me to go clubbing with him before...LOL, i like to think i'm friendly :¬)

DING..
17-03-07, 22:57
mike gay guys have lots of straight ladie friends. could be a good idea going on a date with him

Reality Before Ambition
17-03-07, 22:59
Aye, pay attention to Ding Mike - he has lots of experience from his time inside...LOL!

Not So Bikeless Mike! :-D
17-03-07, 22:59
Ding, fair point, however, most of his lady friends are rather butch, and into girlsthey are good fun though, you can talk to them like guys!

DING..
17-03-07, 23:01
shhh rba

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
18-03-07, 02:50
Abit of role reversal there Mike.I like Bi woman ( Lesbo's abit pointless ), there not as annoying as normal woman, and like 3somes with there lady friends :)

Sadbloke, missing for a while
18-03-07, 12:21
bikeless mike , doesnt matter if theyre gay or straight, if you both get on with each other as freinds whats the problem, he shouldnt come onto you , once you tell him youre straight.gay guys are usually attractive to the ladies as they pose no threat, so getting into their group , might do your sex life good.just explain at the start youre straight.have a look at brokeback mountin, soom excellent riding areas there, canada, and a bit of gayness , always good as an opener, with the ladies.the end is very sad.

Reality Before Ambition
18-03-07, 12:45
nothing like a talk from sad bloke to pep you up!

Sadbloke, missing for a while
18-03-07, 13:38
hope it helps.

daftpunk
18-03-07, 17:11
When I was in my teens there was a friend of mine who was a real womanizer (he was a few years older than my group of friends and so the teeny girls would swoon all over him). This was the time of goth in it's original carnation where everyone had crimped hair and wore make up. Anyway we were at a SSSputnik concert in Birmingham together and my friend had pulled a right stunner, I mean a very attractive lady. They were getting on like a house on fire and I don't think he saw much of the concert. Anyway he went back to hers and we all drove home. usually he used to brag all the time about what he did and which angle etc etc but this time he didn't. It wasn't until I brought the subject up that he went all sheepish and admitted that when he got back to her place after some serious heavy petting that he put his hand down the front of her dress and found out it was in fact a he not a she!

Sadbloke, missing for a while
19-03-07, 21:24
seems a re-ocurring problem, surely you can tell by the facial hair, and therough hands , unless they work in a office.if in doubt keep out.

Errrmmm Yesss ( Dyl, 69ers still ROCK )
19-03-07, 21:54
Not a problem I've had or heard of for anyone I know, thankfully.I assume he punched him out ??I'll keep my guard up anyway, can't be to careful, check the crotch area first I say :)

Reality Before Ambition
19-03-07, 21:55
A bit like the old crocodile dundee move Dylan, eh?!!

daftpunk
20-03-07, 23:12
It's amazes me how many people use computer dating here in Germany. It's all down to the German society and how unfriendly they are to each other which makes meeting new people practically impossible for them. Anyway our secretary at work is ....how can I put this politely..... well just say she definitely ate all the pies. She is forever going off at the weekend to different parts of Germany to stay with men she's only spoken to on the internet. A few months ago one guy actually came to visit her. She took the Friday off to get her hair done and prepare her flat (and cook food) and and and. The guy arrived in the early evening after his 5 or 6 hour train ride. He came into the flat they made their introductions and then chatted for a few minutes. He told her that he needed a smoke after his long journey so he just went outside to spark up. she waited inside and waited and waited and waited.. it wasn't until after about an hour she realised he wasn't coming back!

PaLF eht peehs
21-03-07, 09:27
PMSL!!!

Mister Khomenni
22-03-07, 14:21
Freddie Starr got involved with a tv apparently

Mister Bump
22-03-07, 14:34
And he ate a hamster.I have seen Danish Heather since my vomiting incident and although it was a friendly meeting I can't see me actually getting any further than being mates. Never mind, plenty more fish etc etc.

serge the seal of death
22-03-07, 16:18
Doc i had forgotten your mental stalker

JohnG
22-03-07, 18:16
Nice one Daftpunk. I'd like to add to the thread but my story isn't public forum material.