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Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 13:03
...who remembers that episode of 'Record Breakers' where an unfortunate typo in the script led to Roy Castle launching a spirited assault on the world lap dancing record?

Bruce
27-05-04, 13:05
... the b*stard!thinks he can out tap me, does he!

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 13:11
Not any more...

Numpty!
27-05-04, 13:12
Coughing down his angelic trumpet.

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 13:12
...that sounds like a line from the book i read lastnight....

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 13:13
Quite.

Formerly Listed as Project (FLaP)
27-05-04, 13:13
what coughing down his angelic trumpet"!! you reading Mills & Boon again Ste?"

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 13:14
no, fiesta magazine.only the best

Formerly Listed as Project (FLaP)
27-05-04, 13:15
LOL

Formerly Listed as Project (FLaP)
27-05-04, 13:16
What does Mrs Jive-Funk think about you reading this fine literature?

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 13:17
that reminds me.on the long walk on the way to the borading gate at gatwick, i decided i'd quick go to the toilet bofore i boarded the plane.there was only a p0rn mag next to the toilet!!!!

Alun Hemington
27-05-04, 13:17
She's in readers wives ;o)

Numpty!
27-05-04, 13:17
Numpty currently writes for Cottage Times.

Alun Hemington
27-05-04, 13:18
A quick pre flight tug then ste?

Padowan S-Works Hobbit
27-05-04, 13:18
Trying......... hard............. no..... need....... for................ witty.............. remark..............

Formerly Listed as Project (FLaP)
27-05-04, 13:18
Thats Gatwick for you Ste - what mag was it though?

Numpty!
27-05-04, 13:19
Do it PAd!

Formerly Listed as Project (FLaP)
27-05-04, 13:19
Pre flight tug LOL - calms the nerves, probably the mag was the pilots and he was just calming his nerves before take-off!

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 13:21
to be honest, i didn't look project.i would say dunno where the guy who had it's hand's have been"but unfortunatly...you do."

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 13:54
Excuse me stewardess, pages 20 through to 26 of my in-flight magazine are stuck together, have you a spatula I could employ?""

Numpty!
27-05-04, 14:07
NO! spatulas banned on flights!

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 14:20
Lest they be used as spatulas of righteous fundamentalism?

Numpty!
27-05-04, 14:22
You got it boss. A fundamentalist and a suicide spatula are not to be scoffed at.

Dave Carlson
27-05-04, 14:23
Lest they be used for flipping the pancake makeup on the stewardesses face...

Pinky 'Bruce' Gigglehead
27-05-04, 14:26
Mmmmm..... Pancakes!

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 14:32
Wow! If they flipped it, then the stewardesses face would be on backwards!

Numpty!
27-05-04, 14:33
I thought that was compulsory.

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 14:38
...in that case, it would be on frontwards!

Numpty!
27-05-04, 14:45
I see, but wish I didn't.

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 14:48
who would have thought the conversation whould stoop so low, just because someone mentioned a p0rn magazine!

Padowan S-Works Hobbit
27-05-04, 15:13
Aren't spatulas used for.......... Oh, no, sorry, that's turkey baisters, isn't it.Open wide, Mrs. Uccamore...""

SloBoy Itchy Bill""
27-05-04, 15:14
Speculum's a good word too

Padowan S-Works Hobbit
27-05-04, 15:18
True, but a speculum isn't quite so good at prising apart the jiz-glued pages of a low quality jazz mag.

Pinky 'Bruce' Gigglehead
27-05-04, 15:21
You could use one for prising apart the jiz-glued...No, I think I'll just hold onto that thought.

Padowan S-Works Hobbit
27-05-04, 15:23
Right back atcha ;-)Great minds thing alike?

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 15:27
I'd just like to dedicate this thread to the memory of Roy Castle.

Raymond Fly Jive-Funk
27-05-04, 15:30
LOL

Not at all Disgruntled Llama
27-05-04, 15:33
Dedication, hu-hum, Dedication....

SloBoy Itchy Bill""
27-05-04, 15:37
Or how about a few references to Devils in skirts", Princess Jelly and the Karzi of Casbah ?"

Pinky 'Bruce' Gigglehead
27-05-04, 15:38
I'm getting confuesd......

Milo Bloom
27-05-04, 15:53
I had no idea that Roy Castle was that controversial, Slo.Sure you're not thinking of Kilroy?

SloBoy Itchy Bill""
27-05-04, 17:08
1895. The British colonisation of Indian continues despite the threat posed by the Khasi of Kalabar and his loyal army of Burpers. Rebellion seems imminent when it is discovered that the feared 3rd Foot in Mouth Regiment (The Devils in Skirts) actually wear underwear under their kilts. When the Khasi receives proof of this he starts an uprising among Bungdit Din's Burgers against the British forces under Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond. However Captain Keene leads a small group of men deep into Indian in an attempt to stop the approaching massacre.If you hate the Carry On films with a passion then chances are you will hate this one as well. However for fans or those who enjoy the sense of humour when it works, then it is likely that you will love this film as it is one of the best of the series. The plot is very un-PC by today's standards (imagine having so many white actors playing Indians today?) but this isn't really important here. The plot is actually quite well developed for a carry on film and acts as a suitable framework for the jokes, allowing it to feel like a film rather than just a series of sketches and innuendo held together by the thinnest of threads.The plot certainly helps but it is the strength of the script that makes this such an enjoyable film (if you can call a script full of innuendo `strong'). The film has so many really enjoyable lines that it is impossible to list them all; of course, if you don't like their breed of innuendo then you shan't like this but I do and this is as good and as honed as they got it. Lines such as `rank stupidity', `Fakir. Off', `and up yours' and `I wouldn't trust him an inch' are all well scripted and display a higher class of innuendo (if you know what I mean): even character names are good if not subtle; Ginger Hale, Bungdit Din, Jelhi, Busti and Khasi to name a few. It helps of course that the cast are so talented at this type of comedy and deliver their lines with perfect timing and perfect facial expressions and reactions. James and Williams lead the cast and are easily the best two in the whole film - they have the best lines, the best reactions and the best timing. The rest of the Carry On regulars are all very assured and delivered the material with the ability of pro's; Hawtrey, Scott, Sims, Bresslaw, Butterworth and Douglas are all very good and it is true that this is almost a who's who of British comedy of the time. Roy Castle is good but he is very much a straightman in the piece.Overall, this is the film that those new to the Carry On series should seek out as it is one of the films where they had the best material (plot and script) as well as a full cast of very talented British comedians. It is still based on innuendo and silly gags but it is funny and enjoyable.

Anne Brown
27-05-04, 17:17
hmmm the word speculum...you just know it's not going to be fun.

SloBoy Itchy Bill""
27-05-04, 17:19
Strangely, it doesn't have the same effect on fellas

Alun Hemington
27-05-04, 21:47
Speculae should be kept chilled in the fridge until ready for use ! ;o)

Milo Bloom
28-05-04, 07:53
Just don't confuse them with the Milk Pops.