View Full Version : If you could give 2 pieces of advice

Flossie ...
07-08-02, 09:52
If you could give two pieces of advice to a teenager, which they would take on board to enrich the rest of their lives, what would they be ?????I'll start the ball rolling:-Don't get married. Buy a dog instead if you need company.Concrete your garden.

Mister Jolly
07-08-02, 09:54
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it.

Dan Souf
07-08-02, 09:57
breathe in,breathe out again.

Anne Brown
07-08-02, 09:57
respec everyone.appreciate and care for the environment.

Dave Carlson
07-08-02, 09:58
Don't get her pregnant.Don't get caught.

Clubber (DL)
07-08-02, 09:59
No regretsDon't take sh1t from anyone.

Adam Stephens
07-08-02, 09:59
Don't sleep with a women married to a policeman.Don't get caught. (See above).

Beckers ....
07-08-02, 09:59
my favourite from Animal House by John BelushiStart drinking heavily""

Todd Unctuous
07-08-02, 10:00
Keep your head up.Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Mister Jolly
07-08-02, 10:02
don't eat it if you don't know what it is.The first time you drink cider drink five litres to save yourself the bother of ever feeling like drinking it again

nick (Elephant Rider) cummins
07-08-02, 10:06
Be excellent to each other.If slowing down doesn't help, pile it on.

Leon Turner
07-08-02, 10:11
Don't sweat the petty things...And don't pet the sweaty things.

Milo Bloom
07-08-02, 10:22
My first one comes from 'Round Ireland with a fridge' by Tony HawksSometimes in life you have to dance as if nobody's watching"I can't think of a second one yet."

Andy Jones
07-08-02, 10:27
You will meet surprisingly few people in life that you could truly love. Don't lose touch with them.See yourself on video as soon as possible. This will save you sh1t loads labouring under the misapprehension you could ever look cool.

Beckers ....
07-08-02, 10:27
and of course from Rock Horrordon't dream it .......be it"I'll get my sequined lamee basque & stockings"

nick (Elephant Rider) cummins
07-08-02, 10:43
Never eat in resturants that have pictures of the food on offer.

el boufador, jeyboy bender
07-08-02, 11:07
work to live (not the other way around)try harder

Dr Dolittle - trust me, I'm a rodent.....
07-08-02, 11:16
The best opportunities in life are always the ones you never expected to happen....The most important skill in life is learning the right point to give up on a hopeless task.......

Ryan Gallagher (Well everybody else is doing it)
07-08-02, 11:23
smoke tabs.drink beer.

Colin Burgess
07-08-02, 11:23
Learn from mistakes.Shag as many women at Uni as possible.

Andy Jones
07-08-02, 11:25
Nothing prepares you for parenthood

Beckers ....
07-08-02, 11:38
never drink in a foreign bar with servicemen

Anne Brown
07-08-02, 11:41
especially sailors

cooky! *shirt ninja*
07-08-02, 11:44
porn can teach you many many things.......if it's all red, sore and oozing some sort of pus, maybe you should go see a doctor.

Beckers ....
07-08-02, 11:56
if you like it.......do itif you don't like it........try it again....you might like it

Al (leave 'em to rot) Leigh
07-08-02, 11:57
Don't confuse effort with attainment.Beer is cheaper than therapy.

Guy Colborne
07-08-02, 11:59
Beer is goodMore Beer is better

Guy Colborne
07-08-02, 12:05
er, ok, serious nowAlways learn from your own mistakes but its better to learn from those of others.If you are falling, try and land on something ( or somebody ) soft.

Flossie ...
07-08-02, 12:07
Sounds like Guy has ridden a road race or two !

Mister Jolly
07-08-02, 12:09
Serious ones;If you have to make the choice do less better.Never start or refute an arguement with I find it difficult to believe..."Silly - If the best kind of beer is either more beer or free beer then the best time is when it's someone else's round."

el boufador, jeyboy bender
07-08-02, 12:10
Take responsibility for your own actions.Admit a mistake (to yourself and others) when as you realise you have made one.

Notoriously Bad Typist
07-08-02, 12:11
Assume everyone's a decent person and treat them as such until they prove themselves to be something elseDon't smoke. Drink beer, but don't smoke.

Andy Jones
07-08-02, 12:25
This is starting to feel like one of those psychometric tests they put me through here at the hospital"Which of these two statements do you most agree with:"Leave no trace""Make your mark" "

tim murfin
07-08-02, 13:42
eat chipsdon't run out of kleanex (or you'll end up with crusty sheets)

Dan Souf
07-08-02, 13:46
crusty sheets, I think I met her once

Todd Unctuous
07-08-02, 13:46
Advice for students;1. Learn the phrase 'Do you want fries with that'2. There is more to life than beer and partying.Well, no I'm wrong again. There isn't much more to life than beer and partying, but it is useful to be able to earn the readies to finance beer and partying. Or get a good expense account.

Wotno Brakes
07-08-02, 16:56
One serious, one sillyWant what you have, not have what you want.""If you ever see me in a garden centre - Shoot me""

Rory Blag
07-08-02, 17:15
Something I read somewhere...*Work like you don't need money*Love like you've never been hurt

Dave Carlson
07-08-02, 17:18
Work like you don't need money"Surely that means forget about work, and do something you actually enjoy?Don't eat anything bigger than your own head.If at first you don't succeed, don't be too surprised."

Neil Watterson
07-08-02, 19:53
Take an instant dislike to everyone you meet - it saves time in the long run.Better to be safe than never.

Guy Colborne
07-08-02, 20:06
These are actually from my dad, so this si really fatherly advice:Life makes more sense if you remember that about 90% of people are stupid.Beware of people who wear hats while driving...

Jon Doran
07-08-02, 22:01
1. Steer clear of advice on internet forums, it is invariably total shite.2. The human body cannot survive speeds above 34.8 mph

08-08-02, 00:52
1) Never eat yellow snow !!2) Always be polite to the waiters in the curry house,they have the final say on ingredients.

Mister Grumpy
08-08-02, 01:06
1) If you buy a Bianchi, don't post (several) threads about it on nameless websites2) Change socks daily

Craig Furber
08-08-02, 05:52
the clitoris is easy to find...it's somewhere in a direct line from her arsehole to her belly -buttonalways wipe your cock on her curtains:)

Craig Furber
08-08-02, 05:55
regret the things you do not the things you don't dodon't make the same mistake twice:)

Lex Cumber
08-08-02, 07:02
1/ When you Travel take half the kit and twice the money.2/ When out riding, stop to look around and soak up the countryside. You will always see more staying still, than blasting everywhere.

Spam Man
08-08-02, 07:30
Measure twice; cut once

Clubber (DL)
08-08-02, 09:34
Don't expect your new girlfriend to be interested in what your ex was like in bedAlways wipe your c0ck on the curtains - it's only polite...

Ryan Gallagher (Well everybody else is doing it)
08-08-02, 09:38
always pick a g/f with good looking mates. never trust a woman who doesn't swallow

tony mcgarley
08-08-02, 09:52
Buy cheap and you'll buy twice.When a broody woman tells you it's ok, I'm on the pill", don't believe her."

Anne Brown
08-08-02, 09:55
Learn to identify a broody woman.

Dr Dolittle - trust me, I'm a rodent.....
08-08-02, 09:56
Actually just never trust a woman, broody or otherwise.....

Mister Jolly
08-08-02, 10:17
Women, nothing but trouble.He who dares, Gins.

Mister Jolly
08-08-02, 10:19
and best of all;

steven parry
08-08-02, 10:59
Stop and enjoy the viewlife is for living so ignore the annoying peopleand get on with it.

Flossie ...
08-08-02, 11:02
You only get one chance at life. So live, don't just exist.It's the little things, which make a big difference.

Clubber (DL)
08-08-02, 11:02
Who dares Ginns...:)

Anne Brown
08-08-02, 11:30

Mister Jolly
08-08-02, 13:09
Bad Dylan...

Overactive Bob
08-08-02, 14:34
If you aint a big dog, don't piss on the tall trees......................do less, better.

Keir Badger
08-08-02, 16:34
Understand you are not always rightOther people actually know more than you do

Craig Furber
09-08-02, 06:04
If a job's worth doing it's worth doing half-arsedif you can't wipe your cock on her curtains (maybe she had blinds) then at least shit in the sink...

Beckers ....
09-08-02, 08:18
never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you on experience.

Adam Fleming
09-08-02, 08:52
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Don't live your life by other people's rules, at the end of the day, you're the only person you _have_ to live with. In arguments with women, learn to say I'm sorry, you're right" so that it's not immediately obvious you don't mean it.Oh - and learning to count to 2 is probably good as well... :) "

Neil Watterson
09-08-02, 19:28
Never eat on an empty stomache.Never buy the wife flowers except on special days that have been agreed in advance (otherwise she will accuse you of having got up to something).

Craig Furber
10-08-02, 06:27
never waste a mouthful of saliva/spit...if you can't shit in the sink then piss in a potted plant...

joE* (Bringing incompetence to new heights)
10-08-02, 09:14
And at least for One Halloween, put laxative in the sweets/cakes for trick or treaters.And try space cakes before you die.

Muddy Bronco
10-08-02, 14:14
1. Don't have kids. All that vomit; all those late nights are no conditions to bring up children in.2. Buy your Stella from Ablecost, Hanworth road, Hounslow. 6 half litre cans for a fiver.

tony mcgarley
10-08-02, 15:14
Stella is 5.50 for 8 x 50cl cans here oop North. 5 if the code has ran out.Stella is crap, btw.

Barry B
10-08-02, 18:52
MB, I don't see your point, offers similar to that can be found scrawled on peices of paper in every newagent's window in London.

10-08-02, 22:22
never eat yellow snowkeep away from horse's unless you've got the gravy ready

Flossie ...
12-08-02, 10:07
Leave nothing but tyre tracks and thanks.Be prepared.Looks like I've just opened the draw marked 'Boyhood Memories)

Dr Dolittle - two weeks and counting.....
12-08-02, 10:13
Crime doesn't pay......unless you are a defence lawyer.